My first winter

Listening to: Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/5PzWVmfzu7rePAuFkxPQf0

It’s good to be back after the festive season! I didn’t think the new year would affect me, but turning a leaf on 2021 is surprisingly cathartic. We make our own narratives, and the idea of a blank page of a book, a white canvas of a year, is encouraging. In a bare room of the house where I used to stick clothes horses and paint pots and unworn shoes, I’ve converted it into a tiny writing space. Surrounded by my favourite books, some candles. Even as I was writing this, I decided to buy the desk I’ve been dreaming to buy for years. I’ll add a picture in the next week or so when it’s arrived!

My focus after a heavy year is starting lightly. I’ve returned to the principles of ‘Atomic Habits’ and given myself principle to do the bare minimum - but consistently. Instead of pressuring myself to do everything every day, I’m stretching for two minutes - doing one pushup - reading a page.

Today, my energy is this: “The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new”.

I hadn’t known a cold this low

hugging the ground

in the hold of my bones; there are many winters

but this time, I see the snow.

Everything really does die; we grip on,

knuckles turning white to the brink, then a little longer.

These are pale days. They leaked out the colour,

dim of the sure steady light.

Yet space is broken for a reason.

Hold breath, and let go.

Hold, and go.